Miserable at Best
by SaveYourHeart14
Summary: Paul didnt know what it was like to really love, only throw around girls like spare toys. Rachel had known love well maybe too well before it was taken away. How can these complete opposites find love in each other even with the imprint bond?
1. Chapter 1

**Im keeping the chapters somewhat short for this story but I think that Paul and Rachels personalities are so amazing and that I could do so much with it that i had to try writing a story. Pauls POV for this chapter and Rachels for the next.**

_Prologue _

At some point in our lives we all think that sometimes our path will be bumpy but in the end ultimately everything will turn out ok. But really when I was 20 do you think I cared or even thought about any of that? Hell no! Everyone in my pack viewed me as that egoistic moron who couldn't control his temper and now that I look back I guess I was everything they told me. I was 20 years old back then and foolish beyond belief, I was a bachelor that had every girl begging at my doorstep and I was loving it. My whole point of view changed that summer when I was 20.

_Chapter 1: Mistakes_

The summer was the only time in La Push when we had the faintest chance for the sun to shine and bring warmth to the cold rainy tribal town. Today the sun was boiling on our already hot werewolf backs. I was sitting on my porch just kicking rocks around being bored as hell when Jared came jogging down the road. I jogged and decided to meet him half way.

" Dude Sam says since the sun is out we don't have to run patrols! He's gonna make the younger kids do it." Jared said with a huge grin.

" Serves them right, now that we're out of high school and they're in it we do way more shifts then they do." I scoffed feeling a tad bit jealous that those kids had more of a social life than we did because we had to do a lot more patrols then we did.

" Oh shut it Paulie, we were in high school once too you shouldn't be so rough on them. They go through a lot more then we do I mean some of these kids phased at 13 when we didn't phase till 16 or 17. Even if we phased first they miss a lot with all this responsibility. Now that Seth's older its not as hard for him but he phased at 13 and he's 17 now." He pointed out. I rolled my eyes unimpressed by his little speech.

" Your such a sap now what are we gonna do on our rare day off?" I asked walking back to his house with him.

" I figured you, me, Kim, Seth, and Embry could go play football on the beach." He said shrugging. Kim came practically skipping out of his house wearing shorts and one of Jareds shirts.

" Was that name I heard?" She asked smiling and leaning up to kiss her boyfriend.

" Yep just telling Paul about going to play football on the beach." He explained.

" Hey their Paulie." She said teasing knowing that I hated that nickname.

" Hey their Kimmy. You should know better than to wear Jared's clothes, your to much of a shortie for them." I joked tapping the top of her head. She pouted and Jared leaned in and kissed her nose before whispering in her ear.

" Don't worry babe its hot." He whispered in her ear.

" Ew gross I want to go play football not watch you play tounge hockey with your imprintee." I grumbled.

" Just you watch one day your going to imprint and we're gonna make fun of you all of eternity." Jared said while wrapping an arm securely around Kims shoulders. I rolled my eyes but I joined them on the way to the beach. The sand was beginning to dry after weeks of endless rain. Seth and Embry had already gotten there. I rushed over to them and clunked their heads together.

" How are my favorite two numbskulls doin?" I asked laughing. Seth rubbed his head.

" Maybe we're numbskulls cause that's the way you greet us every time you see us." Embry said wincing.

" Oh get over it you two should be used to it by now. Now where' that pigskin I wanna get my football on!" I said. Seth rolled his eyes and gave the football to Jared. I growled at Seth, they knew I always got the football first. Jared rolled his eyes at my dramatics and my obvious pout.

" Paul go long!" Jared shouted in his deep voice. I started running backwards as fast as I could while still looking human. I started to shake when I felt something hit me from the behind. Whatever it was it fell down to the ground so I felt obliged to at least look at what fell. Lying there was a girl and she looked distinctly framiliar but I couldn't put my finger on her name. She looked up at me and as soon as our eyes connected I was a gonner. I felt my heart leap out of my chest and fall right into her hands. I didn't feel the same anymore I felt breathless just at the sight of her. She just changed the way I lived my life by one glance.

She was rather tall for a girl but not nearly as tall as I was. Everything about her was unique from her striking green eyes to her red highlights that appeared to be natural. I just stood there staring at her wondering what it would be like to just wrap my arm around her and protect her from all of the worlds troubles. She started to find my stares a little uncomfortable got up, brushed off her shorts and started strutting away. I jogged after her feeling my heart soar with ever step closer to her.

" Hey Im really sorry." I said almost wanting to hurt myself for hurting her. She nodded and kept walking along. Why did I get the strangest feeling that she was pissed at me? I couldn't stand her walking away from me, I had to go after her.

" I really am sorry. Are you ok?" I asked checking for any sign of injury.

" Im fine Paul." She hissed.

"Wait how do you know me?" I asked incredulously. Her eyes widened.

" Figures that you would forget. You always were an ass." She growled. She started to walk away strutting away very angrily. I chased after her knowing that I couldn't live without her by my side.

" What are you talking about?" I asked. Her face turned cold.

" Just fuck off Paul!" She screamed and then ran down the beach. I couldn't stand it any second longer. I ran into the forest and bursted out of my clothes. I couldn't handle all the hate she had for me. Jared followed in phasing soon after. He saw the mysterious girl in my thoughts and I could almost hear his mental gasp.

_You imprinted? _He asked as shocked as ever.

_No I just enjoy falling in love with strangers for fun! Of course I imprinted you jackass! _ I yelled, he was not helping my anger one bit.

_Wait what are you talking about? Dude she's not a stranger, not in the least._ He said his wolf nose practically scrunching up from confusion

_Who the fuck is she then? _I asked like he had been keeping this giant secret from me.

_That's Rachel Black, Jakes sister. I cant believe you don't remember her after all Jake has told me. _ Jared told me. I lingered on the idea of how easy it would be to pin Jared to a tree if he didn't give me more details.

_Fine I'll tell you! Jeez. Ok well like three years ago Rachel came home from Christmas break and when Sam and Emily had their New Years party you and her both went. I don't understand why cause you were only seventeen but you got a little well tipsy. You started to flirt with Rachel and Rachel started flirting back. The thing was that Rachel was sober and by some delusion I'm sure she thought that well you were sober too. You kissed her apparently and then the next day she found you making and ummm doing some other stuff with that girl Kathy McAdams by the beach. She thought you cared about her and then you let her down. So my safest bet is that she probably thinks that you're an asshat. _ He explained. I couldn't help it I lunged at Jared wanting to sink my teeth into his furry ass. I knew it wasn't his fault but I had to let my frustration out on someone. Suddenly Sams thoughts bursted through our minds.

_Both of you stop it! Now what is this about? _ He demanded

_I just explained to him why he's screwed for imprinting on Rachel Black._ Jared said ever so innocently.

_Oh crap _Sam said.

_Why does everyone else know this but I don't? I mean we all share thoughts and stuff but yet I never heard this from Jake himself? _I said.

_We told him never to think about it in the beginning because you are so easily adgitated and I guess after a while he sort of stopped thinking about it. This is the first day Rachel has been home since three years ago. They usually go up to New York to visit her. _Sam explained.

_NEW YORK? _I asked in disbelief, no my angel couldn't live across the country from me, not when I had just found her.

_Yea she just finished up college at NYU. I think she's only staying for a few more weeks and then going back to live there. _ He told me. After he told me that I couldn't think, I couldn't think of a world without her in it anymore. How was I supposed to earn the love of a girl that I had treated so poorly? I didn't know whether to run away from the imprint or to embrace it. What was the use of going after a girl that was leaving and that hated me?

_Paul somewhere deep inside she feels the same pull that you do but don't ignore the imprint because one day you will sure as hell regret it. You have to try Paul, because in three weeks she'll be gone. Don't give her up without a fight._ Sam said trying his best to convince me.

I didn't know what I was going to do in my future but I knew that she was going to be in it.


	2. You cant just forgive and forget

**OK so I know that my timing is way off but figure it this way. Paul phased a couple months after the new years eve party so he was around 17 ½ when he phased and Jake is a year younger than him so probably phased when he was 16 ½ and closer more likely to 17 because he phased a little bit after Paul . Paul imprinted on Rachel in this story years after he was supposed to but who cares listen to the story **

_Chapter 2_

In the sixth grade I told myself that one day I was going to have the fairytale wedding and get married at a young age so my kids one day wouldn't have an old mom. I figured I would fall in love with a high school sweetheart we would get married and then our lives would continue to be perfect. What the hell did I know in the sixth grade? My advice, never try to predict the future its useless theres always going to be something that your not prepared for.

When I was in high school I wasn't popular to say the least. It was sort of hard to be popular when you were a total brace face with frizzy hair and glasses. I was the kind of sweet girl that got along with everyone and was nice to everyone and was friends with all the boys. I was never the one who got dates or had the boyfriends and even though I was prettier than some of the girls around the school they always seemed to get boyfriends were as I stay boyfriendless all of high school.

I spent years and years being nothing but lonely. I hated going through high school like that. The four years I spent valentines day alone, the four years that everyone had dates for homecoming and prom and I was the third pitty wheel that tagged along with there friends. I always tried to stay content with myself and say that myself was all needed, but what I needed was much different than what I wanted.

I wanted a boyfriend, a first love. I wanted to have a relationship that my friends gossiped about. The way that there boyfriends would look them in the eye and you could just tell that they loved her. For four freaking years I had to sit around and hear around there dates and kisses and Ihavent even had a boyfriend yet! I know it was shallow of me to think that they guy should ask the girl out but that's the way it SHOULD be. I knew all of the boys that went to school would shoot me down anyways, when you live in a small town if a boy hasn't asked you out already after all these years they weren't going to.

It wasn't until I turned twenty that I had my first kiss. I was at a New Years eve party at Sam and Emilys. I remember that I had just come home from NYU after months and months of studying and being at college. I was happy to be back in a small town rather than the big city where it was just so scary. I loved being here and seeing every framiliar face and knowing something about them. I loved the fact that I grew up here and I already had a history here.

Anways when I went to the party I felt like an outsider, I hadn't been home in what felt like a year when everyone else on this tiny reservation had opted to go to Washington State or some college in Seatle where as I had been in another entire world. I saw some girls from high school and once they saw me they squealed at how different I looked. After high school I ditched the braces and let my dark black redish hair grow out so that it was towards my midback and it sent it into waves all down my back. I had also opted out the glasses for contacts that made my green eyes more visable and now that my smile was straight and my hair less of a frizzy disaster I was I guess attractive. I didnt feel like the same person when everyone was staring at me like that. I mean I was always the girl that never got the sort of beautiful attention that everyone always got in highschool.

" Is that really you Rachel?" Amy asked in disbelief.

" Yea." I Said blushing a little bit.

" Well you look great! We haven't seen you in a while you going to school out of state?" Gena asked like out of state was a scary big old world out there.

" Yea Im actually studying at NYU. I have two or three more years left." I told them wanting to at least try to be friendly, I mean for godsake I had grown up with these people.

" All the way in New York? Wow that's quite far away." A stuck up brunette from my history class in high school said to me. I felt like she was judging me with her beady little eyes. She always was the girl that believed she was above everybody else and I HATED that about a person.

" Yup." I replied real short and sweet. Then a crowd of boys came bursting through the backyard. They looked a little bit younger than us but hardly by much.

" Oooohhh got a couple of hotties in the house. Come on I think I strongly believe in never spending New Years alone." My best friend April said to me. She had also come home for the holidays but from Coloardo. She pulled my arm and dragged me over to them. There were a few cute boys but hot damn these boys where getting taller by the day. I sat there in the corner and tried to appear as invisible but it didn't really work because a boy about a foot taller than me with muscles that any male model would envy. He sat next to me and shot me a huge smile, I blushed I never got attention from boys.

" Hey." He said loudly probably because of the uproar of the party.

" Hi." I said shyly wondering why in the world he was talking to me.

" You from around here?" He shouted again.

" Yup back from college for break." I told him my face breaking into a smile a tiny bit.

" That smile is gorgous." I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or not.

" Your not too bad looking yourself." WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM? He grinned and took my hand and dragged me outside and I came out giggling. Why was I so free with this boy that was so outgoing.

It wasn't until midnight when the ball dropped that everything happened. We were all crowded in Emilys living room and Paul ( I had learned his name that night too) was holding me close to his chest and the room erupted in the countdowns of the new year.

" 5-4-3-2-1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!" Everyone cheered and Paul brought me even closer and kissed me, a real kiss one that took your breath away and it was my first kiss and it was perfect. I was surprised that it happened and that I knew what I was doing. My hands threaded themselves through his hair and I molded my lips with his and with that we kissed into the new year and at that time I thought that was going to be the best year, well that was then.

The next day after that I was on cloud nine. I had finally had my first kiss after waiting all those years and with a totally hot guy too! I got up with a smile on my face and after my mothers death and that never happened. I decided if I was going to have a good day I might as well make it the BEST good day in the history of good days so I decided to pack my things up and head to the beach. The weather wasn't that bad and why the hell not ya know? I walked down the beach and I heard a rustling in the forest and I went to go check it out and sure enough there was Paul making out and um some other stuff to some girl.

I don't know why it effected me so much but it did. He was my first kiss and I thought that maybe it meant something to him too. It made me feel a little worthless, like I was just another girl that he dragged along in his scheme. All those feelings of not being wanted in high school came rushing back. After that I vowed that I would never fall for a man who wouldn't be there to catch me.

I went back to college a week after that and that was the last time I came how before now. College was better once I went back, maybe the new years magic was finally starting to go my way. I was finally happy and that's when I got my first official boyfriend. I met him in my physcology class so he was super nice and sensitive but he wasn't too sensitive. He wasn't the typical La Push boy but Will was good looking he was from California so he had tan skin and he was tall I've been with him a year now and I didn't even know I could love a person as much as I loved him.

I knew that at the end of college I had to take him back to meet my dad and my brother. I wanted them to meet him before I want back to New York in three weeks. When they picked us up from the airport I could almost sense the protective glare in Jakes eyes when he saw Wills arm around my waist.

" Hey little brother!" I said squealing and pulling away from Will so that I could hug my "little" brother.

" Hey Rach no fair you cant call me that anymore since I tower over you by like a foot." He said grinning as he scooped me in his arms for a hug.

" Cant breathe!" I gasped not kidding. He laughed and then released me. We went to go get my luggage at the luggage claim.

Once we got home Jake showed me to Will and I's room much to his displeasure of us sharing a room. I put my bags down.

" Does it always rain like this?" Will asked his face scrunching up.

" Oh get used to it California boy." I said smiling and I leaned up to kiss Will.

" I'll try but its soo cold." He said pulling out his jacket.

" Ya big baby." I said smiling. He stuck his tounge out at me and then I laughed.

" Well you unpack well Im going to go to the store. It shouldn't take me that long if I go through the beach. I saw my dads food cabinet and all he has in it is canned soup." I said with a little bit of a shudder. Will laughed at my aversion to soup and kissed me before I left.

I was walking down the beach, one thing was for sure the cold in New York had nothing on the cold in La Push even if the sun was out today it was still colder than New York. I was reading while walking and not really watching where I was going when I felt something huge crash into me. I look up to see no one other than Paul. Oh god oh god don't look at him. I got up swiftly and brushed off my shorts and kept walking. I could hear his heavy feet jog after me.

" Hey I'm really sorry." He apologized. I nodded and kept on walking. He kept on following me, what was his problem?

" I really am sorry are you ok?" He asked. He was really starting to tick me off now.

" I'm fine Paul." I hissed. His eyes widened.

" Wait how do you know me?" He had the nerve to ask me that? Now it was my turn for the widening of the eyes.

" Figures you would forget you always were an ass." I retorted finally saying all that I felt about him.

" What are you talking about?" He asked. I gave him an icy glare, he wasn't just gonna let this go.

" Just fuck off Paul!" And with that I started spirinting down the beach. He brought memories that I would just rather forget. I ran to the store. It figures that Paul would just be such a jackass that he would forget everything that ever happened. I never even thought of facing him when I came back. I tried to shake it off as I went to the store. I grabbed whatever looked fresh and ran out of there afraid that I would break down at any moment. The moment I bursted through the door I started to break down in tears. Will somehow must have heard me ( probably wasn't that hard to do considering I was waling like a banchee). He came in and wrapped his arms around me trying his best to comfort me without really knowing what was wrong.

" Honey whats wrong?" he asked kissing the top of my head.

" Three years ago I had my first kiss, yup three years ago I know its lame and it was with this guy and the next day he was making out with someone else and I just saw the guy and he acted like nothing had ever happened between us, Will he didn't even know my name!" I sobbed into his shirt.

" Baby he's stupid, don't let one boy ruin your stay at home. You wont have to deal with him much longer we'll be gone in three weeks." He told me. I nodded and as soon as that was done I heard a soft knocking at the front door. Will got up and went to awnser the door.

" Hey is Rachel here?" I heard a deep voice ask. I would know that voice anywhere. Paul.

" She's really not in the mood to talk to anyone right now-" He started to say but I got up and walked in the door and I swear I saw Paul flinch at the sight of my puffy eyes, was I really that hideous when I cried?

" Paul I don't see why you're here. Come to make my boyfriend cry too?" I asked coldly. I could see Paul visibly shaking.

" How can you have a boyfriend?" He asked in a slightly scary tone.

" Because unlike you some people can see a good thing when they have her. Now if you don't mind just leave. She's not your girl to protect anymore." Will said draping his arm over my shoulder. I wasn't used to seeing Will this way but I sort of liked it? Paul started shaking more violently.

" She's supposed to be with me!" He growled through his teeth.

" No, Will is my boyfriend because after the first kiss he stuck around and he cares about me in a way you never stuck around to know." I told him my voice quivering with the fear of him hurting me again. He was still shaking but the sadness of my voice made his face drop

" Rachel-" He started to say.

" You know what Paul, just leave please. To be honest you've hurt me before and I don't want to go there again." I told him. I wanted to get him out of my god damn doorway.

" Alright Rachel, but one day you'll wake up. One day you'll wake up and give me a second chance because I know I fucked up, trust me now I know that but when you wake up Ill be right here waiting for you." He said his eyes almost tearing up before walking out the door. Sometimes its to hard to forgive and forget.

;


End file.
